The Sounds Of *Sigh*lence

"Hello, you've reached WCLX. Are you calling to make a pledge to help support great classical music?"

"Yes"

"Wonderful! How much would you like to give? $20? $50? $100? Or are you willing to become a continuing donor? How about $30 a month? That's just a dollar a day to help support the great classical music you get to hear here at WCLX, the sound of classical music 24 hours a day."

"I'd like to make a single pledge of $500" -

                                                    - "Wonderful!" -

                                                                  - "AND I'll double it to a full $1,000 IF I can speak to Karen. That's DJ Karen Muler. I can hear her on the radio now announcing the next song, so I know she's in the studios. If you put her on the phone for just a minute, my pledge will be for $1000."

"Oh. Ahh, she's busy at the moment. I'm not sure she'll be able to" -

                                                                                       - "Then I'm afraid my pledge will be for just $500. I'm am willing to give $1000 but only if I can talk to her directly. It won't take long, and I know that the sonata that just started playing will last for over 5 minutes, so it won't interfere with her time on the radio."

"Would you please hold on for a moment?"

"Of course."

... "Hello, this is Karen. I'm told you'd like me to take your pledge?"

"Hello Karen, my name is Jacob. I've been listening to WCLX for several years now and I'd like to make a donation during your fund drive. I told the gentleman who answered that I'd give $500 but that I'd double it to $1000 for just a minute of your time. Thank you for talking to me."

"Oh, you're very welcome."

"I've enjoyed listening to you on the radio and I'm interested in getting to know you better. I'd like to make you the following offer; I will double my donation yet again, to $2000, if you would do the the honor of being my guest at dinner."

"Ahh, I don't know" -
    
                        - "It would be at a restaurant of course, in public, and I would expect your husband to accompany you. Please don't think I would ever suggest anything that would compromise your reputation. You would both be my guests for a dinner of fine food and stimulating conversation. It would take just a couple hours of your time to earn that extra $1000 of my pledge. Simply tell me what evening you and your husband are free, and I'll arrange all the details."

"Oh. Well, ... that would be fine. I suppose that next Tuesday would be good."

"Excellent. I've got your e-mail from the stations website. I'll contact you with details on the time and restaurant. I'll see you then, and I'll have a cashiers check for $2000 with me. Until then, have a wonderful week and I wish you success in the stations fund drive."

                            ***

"Ah! I'm glad to see you both made it on time. Traffic wasn't too bad this evening I take it? No? Good. It's wonderful to finally meet you in person Mrs. Muler, and you must be Mr. Peter Muler, her husband. Please be seated. I've arranged this private room so that we can talk without being disturbed by other customers. The food here is some of the best Italian I've had this side of Rome itself. Unless you've any objections, I've asked the chef to bring us a variety of his personal specialties. Now, Peter, I'm curious how you and Karen first met? What do you do for a living? And just how to you manage with her schedule always shifting around as it does? I swear I hear her on the radio morning, noon, and night..."

                            ***

"... So that's where you learned all those little tidbits about the Baroque composers! Ha hah! I shall have to look for that book to buy it for my collection. My interests may be mostly in the recordings of the finished product of their music, but I have a certain interest in knowing some of the hidden details that lay behind the creation that adds to the flavor of the moment when listening to it. ... Well, that was certainly a fine meal. Thank you both for joining me and making this a very enjoyable evening. I have a cashiers check here for you to take back... but perhaps I can interest you in increasing the value of my donation?

I am willing to double it yet again, simply for you both to be willing to hear my next offer. Yes, that's right. You simply have to sit here and seriously consider what I say next. You may, if you wish, decline the offer with no hard feelings, and I will still give the station a check for $4000. All I ask is that regardless if you accept or decline, that you keep this proposal private between us and never reveal it to anyone else. If anyone asks why the donation increased, just tell them that I'm a nice guy who decided to be generous without any further details. Acceptable to you both? Good.

As you've figured by now, I am a gourmet, but of more than just food. I seek out the perfect sounds that exist in the world and enjoy collecting them. The sounds of music, the sounds of nature, and the sounds of voice. Karen here has a wonderfully rich mezzo-soprano tone that exquisitely complements the classical music she plays for the public on the radio. I propose yet another doubling of my donation, to $8000, if you will let me record her voice for my private listening pleasure.

I see surprise on both your faces. Why would I pay $6000 to record her voice, 2K just to propose the idea and another 4K for actually doing so? It's because I have listened to her smooth silky voice day after day, night after night, detailing the names of compositions, their composers, and a slew of facts about music and the musical world. She has whispered into my ears like a mistress and stroked my heart with her breath. I want to hear her like a lover who knows her at her best. I want to record the moment when all women create the most beautiful music possible coming straight from their innermost soul. I want to record her at the moment of orgasm.

Please, you agreed to seriously consider my proposal, so I ask that you honor that and allow me to finish. Thank you. ... Across the street is a new hotel. I have arranged a large suite with two rooms. I have hung a curtain across the door of one of the bedrooms. Inside is all my recording equipment already set up with microphones around the bed. If you accept my proposal, you will both enter that room and do... whatever you like, with the intention of bringing Karen to orgasm. I will be outside in the other room, able to hear through the curtain but not see anything. I would ask that Peter be as quiet as possible so that only Karen can be heard. When you are finished, you both can get dressed and leave. I will have my recording and you will have a cashiers check for $8000 to bring to the studio in the morning. There is no risk to either of you. I promise that I will keep it in my private collection to never be heard by anyone else. And even if someone did get a copy, say in the event of my unexpected death, if you never actually speak while you're there, no one could ever tie you to it. Feel free to inspect my equipment to assure yourself that it is audio only. Please, think about it."

                            ***

"Good morning Karen! Ready to start your morning broadcast? So, how was your dinner date with that donor last night? Did he really give you a check for $2000 just to talk to him during dinner like he promised? ... KAREN! This check is for $32,000! What the heck did you talk about last night?!?"

"Oh... He's just a nice guy who decided to be generous."

                            ***

"Hello, you've reached WPBL. Are you calling to make a pledge to help support public radio?"

"Yes, but there's someone specific I'd like to give my pledge to..."