Man Sentenced to Prison for Sex Act With Car Wash Vacuum

See, now this just breaks my heart. With all of the toys for men available, why go and put one's pecker into industrial equipment? In Saginaw, Michigan, a 29 year old man by the name of Jason Leroy Savage (start writing, ladies!) was sentenced to 90 days in prison after pleading no contest to a charge of indecent exposure stemming from an October incident during which he performed a sex act with a car wash vacuum.

Jason, Jason, Jason, what were you thinking? If you're going to get arrested for a sexual act, at least make it a good one. Get caught screwing in a public park, molest your partner in the produce section of the local market. Heck, even get caught masturbating at 30,000 feet! But please do not put your penis in the same hose people use to clean Cheerios out of the booster seat!